Tales & Dreams

The voluptuous news ladies from Primer Impacto.
Top row from Left: Barbara Bermudo & Ilia Calderon
Bottom row from Left: Jackie Guerrido & Satcha Pretto.
Photos courtesy of Univision.com 

It would be a dream to style some of the ladies from Univision. I don’t want to sound racist or intolerant or as if I’m poking fun at the expense of other’s fashion misfortunes. No, not me.  I’m just trying to be educational in a playful manner. Fashion is not to be taken seriously, but if you’re on TV don’t look laughable and ridiculous. The ladies in question are beautiful and smart but they’re all starting to look alike—big and brassy. Bárbara Bermudo, Ilia Calderón, Satcha Pretto, weathergirl Jackie Guerrido all from Primer Impacto. Chiquinquirá Delgado and Karla Martínez from the morning show Despierta América. Shangela, Raja, Carmen Carrera, Shawna Alexander and Andora Te’tee are beautiful too.

As you can see these ladies are not shy or afraid to flaunt their goods.
Left: Chiqui. Right: Karla Martinez/Univision.com
  

The ladies from Univision need to step up it a notch or two and update their 80’s looks. It’s not (accent on NOT) cute to see your dumplings boiling out—by this I mean, it is not ladylike to show your tetas on TV. Not for free. It is also not cute to see you struggle when you try to close your legs while broadcasting the news or interviewing your guests. The super tight short dresses you all wear are asinine, how do you do it? And the big shoes? Let me tell you, stilettos are chic and extremely sexy but the construction boots the ladies from Univision wear are horrendous. I thought I was watching an episode of Rupaul’s Drag Race but it turned out to be Primer Impacto. Bárbara, Karla, Chiquinquirá and the other Univision ladies take some notes from the women (not by birth) in Rupaul’s Drag Race. Gals like Raja and Carmen Carrera or drag queens such as Andora Te’tee never show their precious goods unless it requires doing so. They never give it to you without a charge.


Raja and Carmen Carrera display their modern and sexy looks.
Rupaul's Drag Race/Logo.com


I have always had this silly dream: To sit down with some of the ladies from Univision and give them some practical and easy suggestions regarding their on-camera wardrobe and makeup. Here are some free and constructive opinions: Chiqui you’re very pretty to make yourself look older than you are or look overcooked. Get a Miami tan and the overdone hair has to go. Trim it or style it in a more casual way. Look fresh not fried. And Jackie, you’re too short to wear clothes than make you look more like Smurfette than the bombshell that you are. And get rid of those clunky shoes; donate them to a tacky drag queen that will be happy to wear them. Karla you’re bubbly (I don’t know what you’re drinking in the morning at Despierta América, but I want some) and like your co-host Chiqui, you’re very pretty too, but your fashion choices are too gloomy. Murky actually. You wore some grayish knee high boots the other day and it wasn’t pretty; you need a mirror and a professional stylist. And like your colleagues, your hair needs to simple—what is it with Latina women and the big wavy hair? Hair extensions are good but don’t over do them. I’m personally volunteering my styling services to help bring the Univision ladies out of the dark ages. I’m not holding my breath, but maybe this dream can come true. One never knows.