Guys: Three Trends To Follow

This morning at the gym, some guy was talking to his faghag about going to a wedding in Maine this summer but didn’t know what was appropriate to wear to an outdoor ceremony in the woods and an afternoon reception at an inn. First, let me address the ceremony issue in the woods. What kind of wedding is this? In the woods? Who’s getting married? Mama Bear and Papa Bear? Where do you tell guests to go or which landmark to look for? The big oak tree by the waterfall? Ridiculous. Second. What is appropriate to wear to an outdoor ceremony? Well, in this case mosquito repellent, big pair of rubber boots, overalls, a hat and a big smile to pretend you’re having a good time. Can you imagine the disgusting experience? In the summer in Maine and in the woods? Ouch! I can’t even begin to imagine the drama—as party favors everyone gets mosquito bites and a rotten time.

A nice suit never goes out of fashion. Tommy Hilfiger Spring 2011.
Yannis Vlamos/GoRunway.com

For a reception at an inn a nice linen suit would be very appropriate. Both trends are IN this season for men: the suit and linen. Suits never go out of fashion but they tend to transform as time and trends evolve. A great suit that is properly fitted is a must have in every men’s wardrobe; it can be casual or it can be serious and sophisticated. It can be double breasted or single, trimmed at the waist or not, it can sleek cut or casual as in a sports coat. Whatever style or cut, a suit needs to have two important characteristics: classicism and masculinity. Now, for the guy at the gym I recommend him to get a nice single breasted seersucker suit paired with loafers or wingtip. A lightweight (but high quality) and fitted beige linen suit could be great too. Linen is the best fabric for sizzling summer days. This guy didn’t sound like he was excited about going to this wedding and he looked like he could afford a nice summer suit. So splurge, you won’t regret it.

The black leather jacket is a classic that gets an update this season.
Marlon Brandon/Courtesy of Phil Stern Archives

Men’s fashion trends are slow to evolve and they are usually less dramatic (and traumatic) than women’s fashion trends. For spring/summer 2011 I recommend guys to get a nice black leather motorcycle jacket; any other color and you will look outdated and ridiculous. Make sure is leather and not pleather nor suede nor any other material that does not feel or look like leather. Think of yourself as modern Marlon Brandon in The Wild One and trust me the chicks will follow you. This trend was best achieved in the 80’s and has now reappeared as one of the best to follow this spring.



Burberry Prorsum gives the leather jacket a modern twist.
Marcio Madeira/FirstView.com
  

The next spring trend I’m going to mention is going to make some males think twice, find it appalling and some might run the opposite way. Yes fellows, “floral prints” are IN this season. Based on what some designers showcased for spring/summer, floral prints have emerged as the one trend that will hopefully catch on with the confident male or the metrosexual. Floral prints need to be minimal and tasteful—in no way, I’m suggesting getting a huge garden print—it needs to be fun and stylish. Not bold and flamboyant. Avoid large floral prints; be daring and smart. Be yourself without looking too severe.

Florals are not just for women or gay men. D&G Spring/Summer 2011.
Marcio Madeira/FirstView.com

Ladies, if you have a man in your life (or a good gay friend) encourage them to splurge on a nice suit, a crisp linen shirt or a pair of modern shorts. His college clothes must go; he needs to grow up. Remember, “If he doesn’t look good, you don’t look good.” Spending some cash in a couple of trendy items can get expensive, but the investment is great and long lasting. Do not allow your boyfriend or husband to walk out of the door looking like a caveman or a creature who doesn’t want to be taken serious. Or he simply doesn’t love you or cares about you—if he loved you he wouldn’t make himself look unattractive or ghastly unappealing.  
 

A confident man wears florals.
D&G Spring '11. Marcio Madeira/FirstView.com

Fashionably Bad Light



Hasn't anyone felt like this before? Cold. Sasha Pivovarova my favorite Russian model. W July 2008.

"When tired bones tremble

From the cold

one kiss of your warmth

Heals the Soul

shine winter sun

make this cold Heart whole."

Lyrics by, Esperanza Spalding

I'm starting to get tired of winter, actually I'm tired of it now. Even our dog doesn't want to go out because it's too cold. I'm ready for spring to arrive and for people to be in a good mood and smile more. People hide their smile when winter lands and stays too long. During winter people get fiery very quickly and even hateful. I'm ready for people to be cheerful even when their situation(s) is awful, weak or a bitch. I'm also ready to shed all the winter layers--clothing. I'm tired of wearing sweaters, gloves, hats and scarves many of which I have knitted. I don't look good in hats unless is one that has been fitted on me and then shaped to my big head. I moisturize every day with Kiehl's Superbly Body Lotion, yet still, I'm tired of my skin feeling crispy but almost dry. But not really. Can you imagine what it must feel for people who do not use moisturizer? Ouch! I'm ready to wear linen [gentlemen listen up, linen is IN this season. It never went away] and shorts. Shorts that are appealing. I'm ready to maybe wear sandals but sandals that are goodlooking and not the clunky type. I've never worn ugly sandals; I used to have a great pair of Salvatore Ferragamo leather sandals but a former lover kept them. Thief. I don't like flip flops like the ones college kids wear. So mundane. I've never been one to admire men who wear ugly, dirty sandals (or shoes) like Teva's, they're so unattractive and pedestrian. I admire men who wear sandals and shoes for that matter, that are attractive and look swanky. They don't have to be, but at least look the part. Oh and I can't stand it when many men (mostly) and a lot of women do not TRIM their toe nails or SCRUB their heels before putting their sandals on. It's disgusting, gross and repulsive. Get a pedicure or spend some time taking care of your feet.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to wearing clothes that reveal a little more of my body (even though I'm a little overweight right now, but I'm working hard to look decent this summer. You just have to wait and see for yourself). In winter clothes everyone looks shapeless, round and boring. I'm excited to be free to be myself and to feel good about my body and also my life. I want to feel the sun strike my brown skin. And to smile more and to be less sad--winter puts me in a depressing mood and nobody looks good in winter light. It doesn't matter if you're the best looking person in the world, the hottest or the most gorgeous specimen; everyone looks bad in winter light. Face it and don't kid yourself either. It's true and it's no secret.

So today I'm feeling tired of the cold wind and the gloomy weather. Tired of the rain and yes, the snow too. Winter go away and let spring come our way. It's about time. And the dog might want to go out to play and do his thing too.

  

Fashion Statements



Hailee Steinfeld looked age appropriate in Marchesa.
Steve Granitz/Style.com



The prom queen of the Oscars was Hailee Steinfeld. This young ingénue made a big splash last night wearing a beautiful dress by Marchesa. She looked like a princess, chic and age appropriate (she’s only 14 years old) in her one-of-a kind nude dress she helped design. In the past few weeks she has worn unpredictable looks from Prabal Gurung and Prada, but this dress made her look girlie, feminine and fresh. Most important, a good role-model [fashion speaking] for young girls to emulate when deciding what to wear to their proms this year. Seriously, young women need to study Hailee Steinfeld style because a lot of them need to reconsider their fashion choices.



Sexy and fresh, Jennifer Lawrence.
Kevork Djansezian/Style.com

Jeniffer Lawrence looked simply divine in her Calvin Klein Collection dress. This tank dress made her look modern, sexy (reminiscent of a Pamela Anderson bathing suit-maybe), understated and seductive. Very clean silhouette and look at her freaking awesome figure. She really worked this red dress that seemed to have been poured on her. She knows her body and she knows what looks good on her. Of all the red dresses that marched into the red carpet last night, Jennifer’s dress stood out and made a fashion statement. Notice the minimal use of jewelry too. It proves that “less is more.” Now that’s a look a lot of twenty-something women should try to imitate. In their own-personal way of course. Remember that what looks great on Jennifer doesn’t really mean that it will look great on you.

And then, there's Cate the Great.



Cate Blanchett wearing Givenchy Haute Couture.
Frazer Harrison/Style.com



And one of my favorite actresses Cate Blanchett rocked a bold and unique design by Givenchy Haute Couture.  A GREAT FASHIONABLE STATEMENT. Her fashion choices are always confident and first class—this soft lavender creation said, “look at me bitches, I’m the queen in this place.” She is a genuine and authentic fashion original. I love her style.  

Until next time…

No Messy Ladies

This morning I saw a young lady walking down the street, intensely pounding the pavement as if she was late for her date or church or maybe trying to get home after a wild night out. She was probably doing the “walk of shame.” Shame. But I must say, “she looked marvelous.” She was inspired by 1940’s; a throwback to the good old days. She had pale skin a la Nicole Kidman; her visage looked as if she had dusted it with a light layer of white powder. Her cheeks were rosy and she had bright, bright red lips. The eyebrows were a tribute to Jean Harlow; she would have been proud and flattered. Her hair was carefully pulled back into a messy chignon. And twisted on the left side she had pinned a bunch of white flowers—I’m not sure they were real but the effect was perfection. Oh! The white gloves were a nice ladylike touch, except they were dirty.
 

Classic women: Veronica Lake and Bette Davis. Moviemaidens.com

She was dolled up from head to toes in what appeared to be vintage clothes. Her beautiful black velvet coat had the most fabulous feathery red fur around the neck. I could not believe that a 20 something woman was wearing a 1940’s inspired outfit. Her purple pencil skirt and clunky black high peep toes made the outfit stand out and made her a wonder of fashion. A lot of young women today look tousle, messy and untidy; sometimes it hurts not to be able to counsel them on what looks right on them or what is appropriate for their age. And it doesn’t have to be couture or designer clothes to look civilized, fashionable and age appropriate. More young people should look to the past and to the bright starts of yesteryears for inspiration [and reference] whenever defining their personal fashion style. I would suggest anyone looking at photographs of iconic women such as Ingrid Bergman, Veronica Lake, Bette Davis, Greta Garbo, Ava Gardner, Rita Hayworth and the many other beautiful and talented women of the 40’s and the 50’s.

  

A beautiful and feminine look from Christian Dior Couture Spring '11.
Yanis Vlamos/GoRunway.com

 

Iconic women from the golden age: Greta Garbo and Rita Hayworth. Moviemaidens.com



I’m in love with the spring 2011 couture looks from Christian Dior. Using the illustrations René Gruau created for Christian Dior during the golden age, John Galliano created a glamorous, decadent and splendid homage to a man whose work helped define a period in fashion. Gruau was a favorite of the fashion couture world of the 1940’s and 50’s. Galliano’s enduring and memorable spring couture collection is one for the ages.

An eternal and glamorous look from Dior Couture-1940's inspired.

Yanis Vlamos/GoRunway.com



Savage Beauty

I can’t wait until this show opens. A preview of what is to be a “must see show” "a huge hit" was unveiled in London yesterday. Thanks to the Metropolitan Museum of Art and Anna Wintour we will be able to see some of the fabulous creations of the late Alexander McQueen.
“Alexander McQueen: Savage Beauty,” will open in May, so start planning your trip to New York. Don't procrastinate. Go pack your bags! This show is going to be bitter sweet, but mostly sweet and magnificent—we deserve to experience the majesty that was the creative mind of Lee Alexander McQueen. I’m excited to see it and you should be too. I miss marveling at the outrageous theatrics, the raw sensibility, the artistic narrative and the ingenious romanticism that he brought to contemporary fashion. 


Alexander McQueen: Provocative and Extraordinary. Steven Klein/Vogue

These are just a few of Alexander McQueen’s memorable (the word doesn’t exactly convey the meaning since all of his work was truly unforgettable) and impressive designs. Drool, gasp, dream, and remember.  

Click images to enlarge.

Alexander The Great Lives On. Marcio Madeira/Style.com

Treasured Art. History Lesson. History Making. Marcio Madeira/Style.com

Some colors of choice: Red, Black and Gold. Marcio Madeira/Style.com

A Golden Moment. Museum Worth. Christopher Moore/Style.com

Chic New Jail Uniforms

A couple of entries ago I mentioned that I was locked up for six months in 2009. Shocking isn’t it? I was locked up in a minimum security facility in Brooklyn and in Waymart, PA. Yes, believe it or not, the fabulous “me” was in jail. You can read the government’s press release for yourself if you want, or the few articles I’ve written for a local newspaper since my release. I have neither secrets nor shame. When I was in jail I had plenty of time to think about things, one of them was of how I could redesign the prison uniforms. The thought was always present and constant—recurring. Seriously. So I’m not here to write about my jail stint (it’s not worth it and I’ve moved on with my life), instead I want to write about the ugly, unflattering and shapeless uniforms I got to wear throughout my jail time and how I would revamp them. They were sinful, degrading, horrendous and aesthetically hideous.


An iconic document

In Brooklyn, the inmates wear beige polyester jumpsuits that are cinched to the waist. The jumpsuits are hideous and alarmingly unflattering to the figure. My jumpsuits were three sizes too large for me. I looked like I was wearing a parachute, a camping tent, or a dull sleeping bag. I almost cried when I got my nauseating parachute. I remember asking the intake officer in Brooklyn if I could get a smaller set of uniforms because the one I had received were too big for me. “These are not supposed to make you look good. This is jail buddy,” he grotesquely replied. “Well, that’s what you think. I’m going to have to work [snapping my fingers] this XXXL jumpsuit. Don’t you know who I am?” I thought. I couldn’t verbalize my thoughts to the bad breathe chubby officer because I didn’t want to sound too weak or too demanding. Or afraid. “Hey! Do you want to exchange with me?” a short, stocky Puerto Rican man asked me. “No that’s fine, I can roll them from the bottom and they’ll look fine,” I responded to the Boricua who happened to be covered from head to toes in tacky tattoos. Clearly keepsakes from his previous stints. I didn’t want to start depending on other inmates and have them expect me to do favors for them. Not me. No way, not ever.

After the second day in Brooklyn I was able to trim the bottom of my abysmal uniform with a razor blade my bunk mate let me borrow. I still looked fat, unattractive and scandalous. Scandalous because I had never worn such an ugly outfit before. I couldn’t even get in them—because the three buttons on the top stopped mid abdomen. It was always an event putting them on and taking them off. Nobody in the entire dorm looked good in the hot-air balloon creation. Couldn’t’ they have asked Ralph Lauren or even Tommy Hilfiger to design a uniform for the Bureau of Prisons? Why not? I bet they would design something that would be practical, functional and stylish. Classic all American.

When I arrived at the camp in Waymart, PA the uniform was a little bit more flattering than the previous jail destination. It was a teal color long sleeve and pants set. The boots were bulky and heavy; they were better than the Bruce Lee-karate shoes in Brooklyn. I knew I was going to look terrible in teal—I know which colors look good on me and which make me look flushed out, ghostly or anemic. This is true. The uniform at the camp fitted me perfectly because it was my size and I had lost about 22 pounds since the incarceration. Best of all, there was an in-house tailor (a long term inmate designated by the camp to do this job) whose job was to fix anybody’s uniform if it didn’t fit or needed a button or two. I took advantage of this service and made sure I had my own fitting. I thought I was at big couture house getting fitted for a show by a couturier and his staff. We were issued a daytime uniform and a visiting day uniform, both looked the same, except the visiting day (which I only got to wear twice) was newer than the every day look. When my friend Steven and my partner Dan came to visit me at the camp I was scared to have them see me in my teal uniform. Dan immediately said, “you don’t look in this color.” “Really? I thought it flattered my Latin complexion,” I thought. Some of the inmates tried very hard to make this outfit look decent. They tried to gay-it-up. They would roll their sleeves, they would flip up the collar, dress it up with cheap bling (beads from the commissary), iron it flat with a mix of flour and water. Hey we didn’t’ have starch, so we had to do what we could do in order to look good. Some guys spent hours fluffing themselves to look half decent for their visitors. Mostly their lovers-mistresses.

After I had performed my daily job which was to mop the floors of the dorm, I would sit by a window and sketch for an hour or two. I would draw multiple versions of the uniform and mostly in navy blue or gray. Universally masculine colors. In order to offer you a glimpse of what I’m talking about I have designed two looks inspired by the ugly uniforms currently worn by inmates in Waymart and Brooklyn. Maybe the prison system can adopt them or use them as reference if they ever decide to update the look. Now that’s a chic idea.

My interpretation of prison uniforms: chic and functional.
Left, Brooklyn--Right, Waymart



Styling a Mexican Soap Opera Star Isn't Easy

I got a call from Univision to fly down to Miami, FL to see if I would be interested in styling 4 episodes of a soap opera that was already airing. I didn’t know what to say or how to react to such yummy offer. “Where did you get my number from?” I asked the woman with the rice-cracker Spanish accent. Hilda was her name. I think she was Dominican.

“Your nephew Christian gave the number to one of our producers, is that a problem?” With a little bit of hesitation in her voice she inquired. “No, not right now. I’ll get him later.” “How may I help you?” I asked the young woman. “I don’t know if you have ever watched any of our telenovelas?” “But we would like you to help us with some styling issues,” “go on” I said to the Univision lady. “We don’t know what to do with some of the actresses; their hair is very 80’s, their drag-queen makeup is revolting and their fashion sense is appallling [yes, that’s “appalling” with 3 l’s].” While she was telling me all of this stuff, my mind was spinning out-of-control. I had to abruptly make a decision and without thinking I told her, “count me in, but with two conditions.” “Whatever you say Mr. Carlo, please come help us,” Hilda the production assistant begged me.

“I’ll do this job, if you allow me to work individually with each actress and I’ll do the job if you tell me that there are no budget restrictions.” For a few seconds, maybe 20 to 30 seconds there was a long pause, silence. “Hello.” “Hello.” “Are you still there?” I asked Hilda. “Si. Yes, I’m still here.” Hilda told me. “Well, did you hear what I said?” “Yes, and that’s totally fine, I’m sure,” again with hesitation and some fear she answered.


The promotional advertisement for the soap opera/novela Soy Tu Dueña. Univision.com

Besides asking Hilda for a bottomless budget, I also asked her to lodge me at a great hotel while changing lives at Univision. “Which hotel were you thinking?” Without any hesitation I told her, “the Ritz-Carlton South Beach, if that’s okay with you,” I sort of mumbled. Intentionally so I could get a reaction. “When would you be able to meet with our team? We would like to get you here as soon as possible. Preferably in 2 weeks when we start the new novela,” Hilda went on. Novela is another word in Spanish for soap opera.

“I could be in Miami in three days but I have to check my schedule, so I will have to call you back,” I told Hilda. In my head I was already thinking about what I was going to do. I was breaking down ideas for what it would be a great makeover, which is a word I dislike. I was conceptualizing a monumental assignment, and I knew I could do it.

I arrived in Miami (pronounced Mee ah mee) and went directly to the studios of Univision. I was greeted with such pomp and circumstance I thought I had achieved world peace. “Where are my ladies?” I asked Hilda, who turned out to be this frumpy and plumpish twenty something with full lips lined in a Chianti red and filled in with a rosy pink lipstick. Who does that? Her jet-black ponytail was tight and dramatically long. “Well, one of them is here and the rest you will meet in the next few days,” she told me. “Who is she? And which soap is she in?” “She’s currently in Soy Tu Dueña and she needs major help,” she said. What Hilda and the team in Miami didn’t know, was that I had already called a few designers and makeup artists and they had agreed to give us a hand with these ladies.

“This is Lucero.” She reached out to kiss my cheek.

“Nice to met you Lucero,” I replied. Lucero is “star” in Spanish. How narcissistic and conceited? Lucero is the Susan Lucci of Mexico, but only with curves and a lot of hair and boobs.



Lucero working her curves and her hair. Univision.com



“Very nice to meet you Carlo. I’m so happy to meet you and cannot wait to get your opinion,” she gracefully waved her hands and her voluminous long curls covered her cheeky face.  This woman was tall (for a Latin woman) and the proud owner of some major curves. She was wearing the tightest low cut jeans with a bright floral print peasant blouse that showcased her enormous tetas. Borderline slutty and hussy.

“I have to tell you Carlo that my favorite colors are orange and purple,” she told me right away. “Really? Orange and purple?  Were you a Lakers girl?” I asked her. “I don’t know what a Lakers girl is,” she replied. I was doomed and this was going to be a big project. Huge I thought. I would make miracles happen.

She was pretty, and I had a huge challenge in front of me. I had planned to use fresh, colorful, modern, feminine, minimalistic pieces from the Spring 2011 Prada, Jil Sander, Oscar de la Renta, Carolina Herrera, Stella McCartney, Lanvin, Versace and Valentino collections to bring these ladies out to the light. But now I was in trouble. “How am I going to get these curvy size 12 girl(s) into these clothes?” I kept asking myself. I could envision Lucero in modern silhouettes and flattering shapes; tailored pantsuits, clean pencil skirts, romantic evening gowns and modern-stream lined dresses. And flat shoes for day, instead of the trampy outdated clothes she was wearing and the old clunky platforms she had on. And she was delighted to tell me she favored platforms. Again, very Latina to favor clunky, embellished trѐs passé shoes—not fitting of a modern Latin woman. Her makeup was beastly: she was wearing turquoise mixed with a glittery bronze eye shadow and exceptionally long fake lashes. Her cheeks were covered in an English rose blush; very heavy and layered.  It was midday. “In this Miami heat she’s wearing that face?” 

This Jil Sander look is minimal and chic. Monica Feudi/Style.com


I woke up to the sound of the alarm clock and bummed out that it was just all a comical dream. With their flamboyant wardrobes and their lack of fashion sense Spanish soap operas and their leading ladies are less than perfect. They’re an obnoxious mess. And it would be a dream to make over a few of the leading ladies and men for that matter. The novela’s men are equally guilty of lacking style-unstylish and chintzy.  Growing up I was in some way encouraged, no wait, required to watch the petty drama. I’ve always believed novelas to be tacky, frivolous, fake, foolish, stereotypical, predictable, homophobic and extremely campy. I’m always embarrassed to tell people that I watch novelas/telenovelas a handful of times a year. When I go home to visit my mother or vice versa.

These are some of my suggestions for the Mexican drama queen. She couldn't possibly decline.



Carolina Herrera looks are modern and feminine. Yannis Vlamos/Style.com