Tales & Dreams

Two nights ago I received a phone call from Christina Aguilera’s manager asking me if I would be interested in styling her for two upcoming television appearances and one red carpet event in May to promote her new NBC music show The Voice. I’ve always thought of Christina as a great talent, but her look, her appearance has always been terrible—overly made up; face too toasted, hair fried, clothes excessively tight and too small for her petite frame. Not to mention a voluptuous torso. Her fashion choices are always ridiculous and over–the- top, superficially cold, inartistic and unlike other drag-queens; her style never quite settled and never distinguishable from the other pop-tarts her age. Confusing and inconsistently tacky; one day she’s the girl next door and the next day she’s a dirty-sultry vixen.

Christina then: dirty and tough vixen and the most recent version: mother and artist.
Photos: Left, Miranda Penn/popsugar.com Right, socialite.com

I was delighted to receive the call and to be given such a mountain high challenge. I had seen the commercial for The Voice and for the looks of it she needs major fashion and style help. For some reason my most recent image of Christina is of this dirty, nasty, oily, tough girl fighting inside of a boxing ring. You know? Vulgar. The look was really butch but not sexy and dirty enough. If she wanted to be dirty she needed to go beyond leather chaps, dark makeup, piercings, construction boots, ripped t-shirt and fake tattoos. In my old head I still think of her as a rough and tough woman who goes around kicking trashcans, scaring kids and beating people around her neighborhood. A thug.

Sultry and feminine looks from Nina Ricci spring 2011 RTW will suit Ms. Aguilera perfectly.
Photos: Yannis Vlamos/GoRunway.com

I want to give her a more modern and fresh look; let’s consider the fact that our little Christina is a mother and she needs to start dressing more like a refined lady than a hooker from the mid west standing on the corner  of Sunset Boulevard and Highland. In order to achieve this transformation she needs to let go of all of her cheap makeup and her less than glamorous wardrobe; this woman needs a fashion intervention and I’m more than happy to moderate the episode. Her fake eyelashes will be donated to some poor struggling drag queen from Mississippi, her long, lacy satin gowns (which by-the-way, are not couture as most people think) will be bestowed to the Out of the Closet Thrift Store where again, some unfashionable drag queen will find them appealing. Christina’s hair will be trimmed to fit any given occasion—good bye to her ridiculous hair extensions and awful big curls. Gross. I’ve done my research and her hair has never looked great; always degenerate and hateful. But let’s stick to clothes.    

Nobody said she couldn't wear timeless Chanel: it will give her class and sophistication.
Photos: Monica Feudi/GoRunway.com

I will offer Christina selections from the most beautiful and feminine collections from Paris to Milan, New York and London. No, not Los Angeles or Beijing: these are not fashion capitals of the world. They are the sweatshops of the world. I intend to get Xtina to wear a few sumptuous and girly creations from the Nina Ricci spring 2011 RTW collection and I will get her to experience the decadence and richness that is Chanel. The new Christina will have class—at least; she will look like she has class. The new Christina will wear colorful and modern-ladylike pieces from the superbly crafted spring collection by Proenza Schouler. A name I’m sure she’s never heard of before.

The colorful, modern and comfortable pieces I've selected from Proenza Schouler
spring 2011 for Christina Aguilera are the must pieces of the season. She'll love them.
Photos: Monica Feudi/GoRunway.com

And for those days and nights when Xtina is feeling like taking a walk on the wild side I will suggest she go for a color infused, 70’s inspired Marc Jacobs. The pieces I have selected for Ms. Aguilera are fun, seductive, chic and comfortable enough to strut her goods around a stage or judge in a mediocre talent show. The accessories will be minimal, simple; there’s no need to stuff her face, neck and fingers with unnecessary junk that most likely will make her look like a tacky Mexican Christmas tree. Now, I must go to continue drafting a fashionable takeover. This challenge must be accomplished in only a handful of days and I’m not a miracle worker or a magician. And you thought fashion was easy. In your dreams. And mine.

Sexy, 70's inspired, color-infused, undeniably girly is Marc Jacobs spring 2011 RTW
and Ms. Aguilera can strut around a stage with ease.
Photos: Monica Feudi/GoRunway.com